i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
