There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
