I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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