I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
