i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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