I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
