He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
