I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Where did you get a picture of my penis
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
