He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
did i just pee glitter
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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