I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
bring money and cleavage
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
