she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
