Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
