i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
