so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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