Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It was confusing and full of hummus
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
