Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
