I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
