He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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