She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
