and she was petting her beer can
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
