Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
