Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
