i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
