Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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