Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
