im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
