Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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