he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
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I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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