I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
