I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He better not be in your backpack
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
