I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
