Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
