those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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