Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
