big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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