sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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