i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
