please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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