Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
