You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
