We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night