dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.