you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in