i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
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Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
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He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."