You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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