my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"