do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The feeling are messing with the penis
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.