your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption