i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
