Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
