I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
