I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
