puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize
