I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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