So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
