i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
