maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
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I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
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My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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