haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
