I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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