11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I want to make a zoo with you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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