I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
