Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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