Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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