I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
