I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
