that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I am midnight drunk by noon
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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