I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
