Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
