if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I want to have your abortion
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
