I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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