first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
