I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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